


Everything Finally Clicked

by FaboKraken



Series: The Pak Error [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Referenced Past Neglect, Referenced Trauma, What-if Scenario, panic/anxiety attacks, sound sensitivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaboKraken/pseuds/FaboKraken
Summary: What if one of the reasons for Zim’s issues was a simple error in information being processed by his pak?A simple piece of wiring or mechanics that didn’t fully connect to the rest, causing Zim to space out at random, to not quite remember simple events or things, to not fully make connections, and to not fully understand his situation?Well what if that piece finally clicked back into place? How would Zim deal with that? Well, let’s see.
Relationships: Family - Relationship, platonic - Relationship
Series: The Pak Error [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828627
Comments: 25
Kudos: 128





	1. Snapped Back Into Place

**Author's Note:**

> So I randomly had this thought and I was like, well hell, that’d be interesting. So this is most likely going to be a few chapter thing that I may add to over time, so here’s the 1st chapter, let the show begin!

You ever have an error happen with internet connection? Where everything should be up and working but one issue is causing things to just not quite work?

Well, unknowingly, that’s how Zim functioned. Every day was bits and pieces, sometimes he would zone out and then the day would be over, and other times when he got into fights with the Dib-stink, the human would bring up things that Zim didn’t even remember happening.

But he choose to ignore it. Because it wasn’t relevant. It didn’t matter! Zim was amazing and incredible and perfect! 

_He was defective. There was something wrong. He knew it deep down._

Zim was the best invader ever to live!

_He had been Banished. What was he even trying to accomplish?_

And today was just going to be another wonderful day of working towards conquering humanity and proving himself to his Tallest! Wouldn’t they be happy?

He could feel the smile brighten on his face as he ignored the way an antenna twitched randomly under his wig. Zim was going to conquer this planet eventually!

And so what about the whole mess with the Florpus Hole? That didn’t matter! Zim eased himself into his class seat, peering about mildly at the idiotic Skool children seated around him.

The fools didn’t even realize it had been him! ZIM! All along! But because he was ever so amazing, he was letting them live. Yeah.

_He failed. Why weren’t the Tallest coming? Why didn’t they respond to his calls anymore? Where was the Armanda?_

Zim hummed, watching the Dib glare at him from across the room as Miss Bitters began the day’s lessons. But the Irken could care less, excitedly yelling out answers to the questions just to smirk at Dib when he was right.

_Why hadn’t he just killed the boy already? Why did he even care? Why did he partake in this Skool in the first place?_

Then, it was lunchtime, and a moment later, it was the end of the day, Zim blinking as the bell rang. Then he jumped up and dashed for the door, Dib hot on his heels.

The Invader spun around and bared his teeth at Dib, “What do you want, Stinky?”

Dib clenched his fists, soon matching Zim’s speed as the Irken hurried along outside, “What do you want, ZIM? Huh? Your plans failed! _Then you left for a whole week!_ Why are you back like nothing happened!”

Zim blinked and squinted at the boy, “Eh? Heh? What do you go on about hooman? Zim did not FAIL. I LET you win! Yeah! And Zim has no clue what you mean about missing a Skool week. Simple worm-monkey.”

Dib gritted his teeth, “Whatever. But you did miss a week. And that is HIGHLY suspicious! So w-“

The Irken stopped and cut off Dib, “DO NOT DARE LIE TO ZIM!”

The boy gave him a confused look, “What? But I-“

”LIESSSSS! YOU **LIE!** _LIESSSS!_ ”

Zim stuck his tongue out, while Dib just glared at him, before the boy shoved him.

The Invader stumbled back before finding his footing, hissing before shoving Dib back. And soon enough, the two were full on brawling, Zim lashing out at Dib while the boy punched and kicked.

That’s when Dib managed to shove Zim down hard, the alien swinging to hit the boy in the jaw, but merely falling hard on his pak. And that may have not been too bad, though it knocked the wind out of him, until Dib took the opportunity to try and kick at Zim’s side.

But instead of hitting him in his squeedlyspooch, Dib hit something much more important, foot fully connecting with the side of the other’s pak. Normally, this would also be not too bad, but today, today something happened.

Maybe it was a result of previous trauma to the pak. Maybe it was just jostled ever so slightly so the area hit was just a tad more sensitive. Maybe it was even just a result of the pak being a little overdue for a maintenance check up.

But whatever it was, that was the moment when Zim felt something inside himself... _twist_.   
He had Dib on the ground before he knew it, Zim wincing as his eyes shot wide eyed, something wasn’t right. A pak leg spiked down, nearly stabbing Dib in the thigh if the boy hadn’t rolled out the way with a yelp as his coat tore.

Then the Membrane boy jumped up, eyes wide before he gave a pissed off, “Hey! That’s a new coat!”

Zim didn’t care. He didn’t even grace the hooman with a response. Just shuddering as a bolt of pain went up his spine, feeling as though a dam had burst and was flooding his head. And it _hurt_.   
The Irken could feel his antenna pin to his head with the pain, his head feeling as though it had been run through with a spike, but all the same, ever thing felt so... clear.  
  


And Zim couldn’t deal with that right now. So he shoved Dib away, hissing, before full on booking it back to his base.

It was only when he slammed the door closed and tore off his wig and threw his contacts to the ground that Zim took pause to try and figure out what had just happened.

Because the pain was fading, and for some reason, thoughts were pouring into his mind. Reflections and memories and jumbled realizations. And it didn’t make sense. 

Because Zim was remembering things he didn’t want to. Things that made sense but hurt so badly. Things that he knew were now correct when through all this time he’d thought differently.  
And he didn’t know what to do about it. Ever thing was so much clearer.

And that’s when he realized several things at once.  
He wasn’t a respected Invader. The Tallest didn’t like him, barley even respected him. He was a defective Irken. And the only reason he was alive was because of an error in his pak that had caused corruption at his trial. Somehow, Dib had done this to him. And Zim didn’t know whether to strangle or thank him. The Tallest weren’t coming back. And unless someone managed to evacuate before the ships had entered the Florpus hole, the whole Armanda was most likely dead. He was one of the biggest threats to Irk. He wasn’t the hero that everyone liked. He was an annoyance they couldn’t get rid of.  
And the biggest realization of all was his mission was indeed fake. He had been sent here to die.

Zim clutched at his chest, tears pouring down his face as all the doubts that had ever dared creep in during the few weak points on Earth came back. Because now, now he couldn’t hide behind not understanding and not having all the information to prove his hopeful wishing false. Because everything finally clicked.

And he hated it. The Irken drifted towards the couch, eyes wide as he felt a soft whimper rise up into his throat. Then he sat down, blankly staring yet seeing all the same, ignoring the noise GIR made beside him as he slowly curled up on his side.

Then he merely squeezed his eyes shut and wished that all the knowing would just go away.

But it didn’t. An hour passed like this. And the Irken was painfully aware of every second that passed, both in Irken time and Earth time.  
That made him jittery, because before, the voice in his head had been a low, soft buzz of a thing, but now it was there in a sharp, vibrant roar.  
Why was his head SO LOUD?

He cleared his throat, and weakly directed a question to the ceiling of the base, eyes trailing along the mess of wires and machinery as he whimpered out, “C-computer, prepare my... my labs for a diagnostic report on Zim’s Pak. Now.“

There was a pause before the bored voice of his computer groaned, “ _Now_?”

Zim felt an antenna flick as Mini-moose drifted into view infront of the Irken’s face. He merely glanced back at the ceiling, softly pushing away the mechanic creature as he said again, “Yeah. Now. And _please_ just do it.”

There was a long silence. Then slowly the Computer said, “Oh. Uh... yes... Master.”

Zim sniffled and rubbed a hand across his face, wincing at the feeling of the rubbery glove going across his face. Then, he turned to lightly pat GIR on the head as he sat up, hoping that would feel normal. He barely managed to hide the shudder and slowly started walking along towards the trash can. Zim could feel Mini-moose following behind him, and that frankly unnerved him.

Why was everything so loud?   
  


He merely shook his head, Zim flinching at the chill of the trash can’s metal exterior, wincing as he became suddenly aware of everything.

The soft whirling and buzzing and clicking of machinery within the base, the click of his teeth settling together as he gritted them, the soft sound of Mini-moose’s engines as they worked to keep the purple robot adrift. And this only worked to make Zim’s heart organ beat rapidly, and the Irken could only close his eyes, hoping it would all go away.

The elevator shifted along, and no matter what, he heard it all. It was so clear, and it hurt. Zim felt relived when it stopped, a sharp series of clicks and screeches occurring as it was settled and things jerked back into place.

Zim merely dashed out as quickly as he could, Mini-moose still following as the robot chirped out those little sounds of his, questioning Zim. But the Irken couldn’t answer, not now.

He just needed to figure out what was wrong with his pak. Then he could fix it! And everything could go back to normal! To ignorance! Zim grimaced at that before shaking his head sharply as tears sprung back into his eyes.

Just get the diagnostic. He nodded gently, his antenna dropping to the sides of his head as he hurried along. The sounds all around him putting him on edge, the Irken flinching and jerking back as this and that sounded.

Hell, his own footsteps were nearly giving him a heart attack! And ZIM _DIDN’T_ KNOW _WHY_!

Yet he did. In a way. He did.   
But he didn’t want to. Zim had thought that the blanks spots were nothing major, that it was just something that made him stick out, something that, in a cruel twist of his broken logic, made him think he was amazing.   
  
To not have to worry. To not worry in the way were he knew he could truly fail. Because if he was never worried, then that meant he had nothing to worry about! So he was so amazing that he need not even worry about his actions! Because Zim was the best!   
  


Zim knew better now. He walked into the lab and snapped his gaze around, and where his mind would drag over the details and the Irken would find himself possibly confused on what he was doing again, everything was sharp and clear.

He knew what he had to do, the Computer barely having to remind him tiredly of this or that, Zim marching along purposely. Then he eased into the portion of the lab where he did maintenance checks, snapping the pak off and settling it to be scanned.

The moment it was off, Zim felt his body relax. The sounds and noise dulling back to normal, the world less vivid and sharp. And Zim settled down as he waited for the device to be read over and be reattached to his back.

And in no time, the Computer announced, “Diagnostic done.”

Zim felt the sounds and sensations come back forcefully, the Irken wincing as things settled back down again after a brief pause. Then he turned and barked up at his computer, “Well? What is it?”

He sat down in one of his chairs and waited as Mini-moose drifted to sit in his lap. Zim merely let the creature do so, gently patting the robot on the head as the Computer seemed to slowly say, “Uh... everything seems fine?”

Zim squinted, “What?”

The Computer sighed, “Your pak doesn’t seemed damaged in any way, there’s no worrisome signals or reports, it’s normal by its standards.”  
  


The Irken stood up sharply, Mini-moose falling form his lap before drifting back up. Zim then growled, “What do you mean by its standards? Cause something is happening to Zim’s pak!”

The Computer seemed to choose its words carefully, “Weeeeell. Your pak... is _special_... compared with other’s?“

Zim growled, “If you mean defective, Zim is ALL TOO AWARE. SO DO NOT _SUGARCOAT_!”

There was a pause, then the Computer asked baffled, “Wait? You are **admitting** you’re defective?”

The Irken tugged at an antenna, “Well it’s obvious now! AND I WANT TO KNOW WHY ZIM DIDN’T GET THAT SOONER!”

The Computer remarked snidely, “Well... if I recall, it isn’t like anyone hasn’t said so. I rem-“

Zim cut the voice off with a hiss, “YES YES! I KNOW! But... ugh! **UGH**! _FORGET IT_!” He turned away sharply, flinging his arms out in exasperation, “ZIM WILL FIGURE IT OUT!”

The Computer merely asked, curious at how Zim was acting, “Wait... what is happening with your pak?”

Zim snarled, pointing a finger at the ceiling as he stepped into the elevator, Mini-moose drifting in with him, “WELL IF YOU WANT TO KNOW! ZIM IS HAVING SEVERAL CRISIS RIGHT NOW!”

He got a curious response of, “What’s that got to do with your pak? I thought that was just a Zim thing?”

The Irken sighed, taking a calming breath before replying lightly, “Something happened with my pak today. I am unsure what exactly. But ever since an incident with the Dib, Zim has been experiencing increased sensitivity to his surroundings, I’m remembering things that I had no previous memory of, and the voice in my head is too loud.”

There was another pause before the Computer said in a surprised tone, “Oh. Okay. I was not... expecting an actual, uh answer.”

Zim ran a claw down his face, waving a hand, “Bleh. Zim just needs to know if something has changed within the pak since previous diagnostic scans.”

The Computer ran through the data before saying lightly, “Uhhhhh... I think I found something, Master?” Zim perked up as his computer continued, “Well, there seems to be... I’m not completely sure the cause, but it seems information is suddenly being uploaded to the pak at incredible speeds?”

The Irken stepped out of the trash can as the elevator stopped, Zim blinking at the new information before asking lightly, “What?”

The Computer merely sounded just as confused, “I don’t know what caused it. I had just assumed your pak just didn’t take in as much information as other Irkens I’ve compared with because of you being a defect... but it seems that... hm.” Zim walked over to reclaim his wig and contacts from where they still were on the ground as the machine finally said, “It seems that your pak is just going into a hyper mode to reprocess data it previously didn’t fully comprehend. Which could understand why you are getting such an influx of data?”

  
The Irken dumped the wig back on his head before getting his pak to deliver him a new set of contacts, shuddering as he could feel vividly how everything shifted inside of it as it settled the contacts into his hands. After he had stood there for a moment, Zim cautiously asked, “And is there a way to slow that or stop it?”

Mini-moose drifted away to sit beside GIR on the couch now, leaving the Computer to merely bluntly say to Zim, “If you were to stop that, especially now that there is so much overload, it could possibly cause a backlash that could literally kill you. But perhaps if you started manually recovering memories, it could ease it?”

The Irken glanced at the contacts in hand before putting them in, briefly straightening the wig on his head. Then he growled, “Well, since Zim was already planning to go over there, he might as well go to the Dib’s to see if I can get information from that pak-kicking, dirt-pig.”

Then without another word, Zim marched out the door with a hiss, heading towards the Membrane household to possibly strange a kid.


	2. Recon Mission

Zim felt the tension slowly ease out of his body as he walked along towards the Membrane household, there being a considerably less amount of people out and about as it got later into the day.

And the Irken was just glad that things were also quieting, having slowly gotten used to his inner voice’s increased volume as the world became less unbearable. He wasn’t even flinching that badly anymore when he heard an earthen vehicle go by or some dog-thing bark in the distance!

He was still plenty aware of everything, but at least it was much better than how it had been.

But Zim wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t still going to punch Dib in that oversized head of his. Because the alien was still plenty pissed off at the idiot, though as long as this visit turned out to be beneficial, Zim wouldn’t give him a black eye at the very least.

Then Zim turned onto the Membrane’s street, blinking up slowly at the house as he finally arrived, unsure at how he felt to be back. The last time he remembered being here was after the Florpus incident. Zim at least knew he didn’t really have anything to worry about, since the Membrane siblings’ father was still assured everything had been nothing more than a delusion, but he felt unnerved either way walking up to the door.  
Zim clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes at his own nerves as he rang the doorbell.

He instantly regretted that, the thing’s shrill chime seeming to merely cause his heart rate to spike once more as it rang harshly through his head. Zim whimpered and sharply raised a hand to his wig, his antenna flinching back against his head as that damned sound slowly faded away.

He hated this stupid planet. With all the stupid hoomans. And all their stupid inventions and stupid EVERYTHI-

The door creaked open as Gaz peered out at him, Zim pulled out of his thoughts as he turned to squint at her. The girl merely glared back, before raising an eyebrow, “What do _you_ want?”

Zim shuddered before straightening himself, trying and failing to put on a face of bravo and cocky confidence, “Is the Dib here?”

Gaz merely stared at him harder, slowly raising her other eyebrow. Then she growled out, “Why do you want to know? What do you want, idiot?”

The Irken squinted at her, caught off guard by the questions as his head began to get that ache again, “Eh?” 

Gaz rolled her eyes, brushing back some of her purple hair so she could fix the other with her full glare, “Zim, why a-“

He hissed, cutting her off with bared teeth. The girl stared daggers at him in response before Zim took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

Then, as he gazed back at Gaz, dragging his gloved hands down his face, Zim simply explained, “Yes, yes! I understood the question! I just... Zim... ughhhh! Just... caught off guard.” Zim just sighed, waving a hand around as he dropped his attempt at a front to just stare blankly at Gaz with tried eyes. “I just need to talk with Dib in order to clarify some things I’m having trouble remembering, okay?”

Now that got her attention, the girl looking at him with intrigue, “Wait, I didn’t know you could _actually_ be straightforward. What’s that all about?”

The Irken sighed, deciding he could care less what this girl knew as long as he still got some answers himself. Slowly Zim pointed at his back, “Blame my pak. You already know the basic stuff I assume, cause Zim _knows_ Dib most likely went on about it after that one time when he **stole** it like the little **idiot** he is.”

Zim glanced at the girl and she merely nodded. With a nod himself, he continued, “Well, since it contains Irken personality and life functions and the tools we need to do as we’ve been programmed, etc., etc., it also is a big part in how we behave and take in things. Now, apparently, my pak has _always_ been messed up. But turns out, one of the problems had to do with something not being aligned just right. Well now it is, and you know why?”

Gaz shrugged, curious as to where this was going. The Invader blinked lazily at her, “It’s because Dib _kicked_ it. Hard. And for some stupid ass reason, everything sucks now. Because while a normal pak processes things at a steady pace, mine has been behind for literal centuries. And now it is all coming back full force because everything Zim has every known is being re-processed all at once.”

Zim began to growl, “So now, not only is Zim aware of how much of an idiot he has been, but he also has been stuck fighting a 12 or so year-old Urth child for no reason other than my leaders’s couldn’t find a good enough excuse to just kill me and so sent me here with a so called ‘special’ mission.” He began to rub his hands over his eyes as his headache got worse. “Hell, even when I had a literal trial, Zim’s pak was so defective, it corrupted the VERY _CONTROL BRAINS_. NOW I AM JUST SAD AND ANGRY AND I HAVE THE _WORST_ **HEADACHE** _EVER_!”

Zim slowly eased his hands back to his sides, ignoring the pressure rebuilding up behind his eyes, just staring at Gaz, “So now Zim needs to speak with Dib so I can hopeful remember things easier so this headache goes away sooner. _NOW_ CAN ZIM COME IN?”

Gaz merely blinked wide eyed, “Uhhhh. Okay... whatever, I guess.”

Then she merely pushed the door open and let him in, having never expected any of this behavior from Zim of all people.  
It was kind of freaking her out, so after watching the alien walk upstairs towards Dib’s room, she merely shrugged to herself. Then, deciding Dib could deal with him, Gaz slowly drifted back to her video game. 

Zim sighed tiredly as he stood outside Dib’s room, and honestly, he felt so awkward. He nervously tapped a claw against his chin before deciding to just go for it.

Puffing his chest out and fixing himself up to his most haughty, Zim raised a fist to knock sharply on the door. He grimaced at the harsh sound and instantly withdrew his gloved claws, Zim listening to see if Dib had even acknowledged the brief sound.

Zim sighed after a beat of silence before just opening the door, looking about before spotting the Dib-smelly merely sitting at his computer watching what looked like a lake monster documentary or something.

The Invader sighed before snapping out, “DIB.”

The boy in question jerked up, scrambling to turn the video off as he screeched, “DAD! IT IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK! IT IS REAL SC- oh. It’s just you.”

Zim blinked slowly at him with a frown, an antenna twitching sharply under his wig, “How does Zim lose to you.”

The kid just shrugged with a yawn, running a hand carelessly through his hair, “Maybe you should stop being such an idiot.” Then he turned back to resume his video.

The Irken rolled his eyes as he waited for a moment, just for the boy to nearly fall out of his chair as he swerved around so sharply, those amber eyes of his shooting wide open, “ZIM!”

Zim winced at the boy’s volume before he nodded, “It is indeed I, the mighty Zim. Thanks for noticing.”

Dib exploded, “WHAT ARE _YOU_ DOING IN **MY _ROOM_**!!?”

The Irken just grimaced, covering his wig with his hands, “Could you _not_ do that right now?”

The boy paused, confused as he raised an eyebrow, “What?”

Zim merely waved a hand, closing his eyes with a wince, “All the yelling!”

Dib blinked and stared at the other, “Uh... what. I- fine, I won’t yell, but WHAT are YOU doing in my house.”

Zim merely waved a gloved hand downstairs, “Gaz let me in.” He tilted his head sharply back at the boy. “Zim just needs you to answer a few questions.”

Dib slowly stood up, unsure where this was exactly going, “What questions?”

The Irken was merely oblivious to the boy’s careful movements, perking up, “Well a number of questions about events that have occurred over the years I’ve been on Earth.”

The boy paused in his careful stretch towards his handcuffs, fixing Zim with a confused look, “Wait, why?”

Zim merely sat down, cross-legged on the floor as he waved out his hands, “Zim has trouble remembering some things, and he wants to make sure he... hm... I just need to remember what really happened.”

Dib felt the cool metal of the cuffs brush his fingers before suddenly, without warning, one of the Irken’s pak legs spiked over, swiping the device and just barely avoiding cutting through Dib’s own hand.

The two sat there and stared at each other before Zim commented as the limb and cuffs slipped back into the machine, “My pak is much quicker than your human mind, you know, it could probably carve your heart about before your primitive mind has time to even attempt to defend you.”

The human snarled, “Okay. That’s _it_! _**GIVE UP**_ T-“

Zim slammed his hands back over his wig as the boy’s yell finally shattered the only semblance of control he had over his head. That damn spike seeming to march right back up to impale him once more.

Dib merely rolled his eyes at the latest sad act of his nemesis until a soft whimper seemed to force its way out of the Irken’s throat. Zim’s eyes shooting wide open as tears began to fill his eyes, croaking out a very unconvincing, “Zim is _fine_! **DON’T** QuEsTiOn _Zim_...”

This just caused another wave of recoil as Zim could just hear the crack and whine of his voice practically pound through his skull, the harshness of the syllables and sound as he merely ignored the human to instead curl in on himself. He knew it was only a minute of him cursing his pak in all the languages available to him until the Dib acted.

Zim briefly wondered how repulsive and bitter getting beat up in this state would be as he heard the rustle of that damn trench coat, the soft sound of boots traveling across the floor, and that light whistle Dib unconsciously made with every exhale he made.

The Invader didn’t care, he DIDN’T WANT TO. But even this was ruined for him! When everything was finally going his way! It was too much and he couldn’t help but whine softly, “ _Why does everything want to hurt Zim_?”

Then there was the touch of bare human skin on his arm, Zim flinching back with a shudder as he held his arms protectively over his head. The weight of contact shifted away to lay simply on his shoulder as the boy awkwardly commented, “Uh, Zim? What... is happening, right now?”

Zim merely raised his head, tearing off the stupid wig to instead pull at both his antenna, “My _head_ _**hurts**_!”

Dib recoiled briefly, hand snatched back to look at Zim cautiously before sitting down infornt of him. He carefully eased himself into a comfortable position before asking softly, Zim glad for the reduced sound, “Zim, I know you absolutely suck at even remotely explaining yourself, but I have no clue what is wrong with you or why you’re here or any of it, so try to tell me what’s going on? In terms a ‘stupid Earth-monkey’ can understand?”

Dib gave a lopsided smile, Zim chuckling as he nodded softly.

The Irken then sniffled, absently wiping at his face before lightly pointing at his eyes, “C-can I take out my, my contacts?“

Dib shrugged, still uneased at the whole situation. Then he simply said, voice still unnervingly soft, “I guess so. Dad got held up at work with a meeting about a new project of his, and since Clembrane figured out dad goes to work, he wanted to go to work, so they’re both at the lab.”

Zim just nodded, removing them and rubbing at his eyes. He merely sat like that for a bit before peeking up at Dib, feeling an uneasy flush of embarrassment and panic at the boy having seen him like this. But the Irken felt he should at least explain the situation better for the feeble-brained dirt-stupid.   
He cleared his throat, ignoring how it cracked here and there, “Remember how you kicked Zim’s pak today?”

The boy just shrugged, opening his mouth to probably ask another stupid question before Zim gave him a sharp look. Dib slowly closed his mouth and looked at the other with a tilt of his head. Zim huffed our a breath, but continued with a wavering breath, “Well... Zim... is... was... _is_... a defective Irken. I shouldn’t exist, I shouldn’t even be _alive_. But I am.”

He waved a hand, clearing his throat again as he absently wiped away more tears, “And one of the reasons for a lot of my problems seemed to stem from a pak error in data collection, distribution, and analysis. And it’s always been like that. Blank spots in Zim’s memory, this where he has no clue what’s happening, and issues just doing basic things. But...”

Zim laughed. And even to him, it sounded unhinged, the sound pitched and almost frantic as he tugged harshly on his antenna again, “It seems you... fixed that.”

Dib couldn’t help it, he shouted, “ **WHAT**?!” before wincing and lowering his voice again at Zim’s flinch, “ _What are you talking about_?”

Zim blinked slowly, muttering a soft, “Zim is so _tired_ ” before explaining, “Something has always been out of place, and for some reason, when you kicked the pak at just that moment and time, it must have snapped that piece back into a normal position. Which means Zim is currently having to re experience _everything_ as his pak adjusts. _**And it hurts.**_ ” 

Zim rubbed at his face before burying it in his arms, muttering, “Zim thought that if he talked with you... then maybe I could better remember things. And it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

When the Irken looked back up, the silence building between him and the human, he saw a peculiar look on Dib’s face. He looked baffled and scared, a hand clasped tightly in his hair, squinting at Zim.  
Zim swallowed and fidgeted with a glove, looking away before shakily saying, “Dib will help... right?”

The noise wasn’t as bad anymore, but the alien could still clearly hear how Dib took in a sharp breath. Zim prepared himself for the rejection, the order to get out, or even for the boy to shove him or something.

He wasn’t expecting the soft reply of “Okay.”

Zim felt his antenna perk, slowly looking back at the boy with shocked, wide eyes. He might have started crying again from the relief alone if not straightening up sharply as he beamed instead, “Of course you would help the almighty Zim!”

The boy merely gave him a look before tiredly smiling back, “As long as you stop crying. It’s weird. Are... are you good now?”

The Irken rubbed at his face, shrugging, “Unsure. But everything’s starting to quiet down again. I think the pain is coming in waves... so I’m not sure for how long Zim will feel better...but yeah. Zim thinks he’s okay now.”

Dib nodded, slowly standing up before motioning for Zim to follow, “Here, let’s just... sit on my bed. So. What do you want clarified, space-bug?”

Zim flopped down onto the boy’s bed, relaxing at the familiar insult, “Okay, Dib-smelly. Well, do you remember the first day I arrived?”

The boy laid down on his back with a scoff, “How wouldn’t I?”

The Invader eased himself to lay on his stomach, gazing at the wall, “Could you just tell Zim about that day?”

Dib hummed, “Alright.”

And the boy started talking, waving his hands around actively as he discussed how he had heard a strange transmission, about Zim coming into class, etc. And the Irken just relaxed with a shuddering sigh, closing his eyes as he allowed himself to just listen.

Maybe he wouldn’t give Dib a black eye afterall.


	3. With the Enemy

Zim growled as he lost another game to the Gaz, laying on the Membrane’s couch now as it had gotten to the point in the day (well actually night) that the Dib-beast had actually fallen asleep.

Zim had originally crept back downstairs in order to leave, but he had actually discovered the Gaz was still up and awake in the living room.

And apparently she wanted him to answer some of her own questions. So, seeing as Zim had already gotten what he was looking for, and Zim found that he was, for some reason, somewhat nervous to return to his base, the Irken merely complied.

They’d made a deal of sorts, Gaz stating that since their Dad had called her and told her he’d be staying at the lab until early the next day, they had plenty of time to just talk. So then she presented the idea, Gaz and Zim would play her video games, and for every loss, Zim would have to answer a question.

The Irken had demanded a soda for every time he won. 

And, Zim, even though knowing he was unlikely to win, was still a proud, prideful thing. Especially now that his pak was easing in its processing and he wasn’t focused so much on the pain.

He was, after all, no matter if he was defective and Banished and all that, HE _WAS_ STILL THE **ONE AND ONLY** ZIM!

So he agreed. With a sneer and a haughty proclamation at his skills.

Yet, here he was. Zim was losing his 23rd match with only one lucky soda to brag about. His character collapsing under the sword of Gaz’s before the cut-scene of the surprisingly bloody and gory defeat played across the screen.

And the girl merely turned towards him, and smirked. The alien hissed at her sourly, antenna pinned back before he merely reached for his soda, waving his bare claws (having taken his gloves and boots off for the time being) around with a grunt. Then bitterly, Zim grumbled, “ _Well_? What do you want to know _now_?”

The girl gave him a brief sneer, “Oh lighten up. But y’know, I’m _curious_.“ Zim groaned but she merely continued, “So I get all the junk about your pak thing, and I gotta admit, your species is pretty weird and _kinda_ cool, but why _are_ you telling me all this?” 

Zim gave her a confused look, setting down the soda, “Eh? Well, we did have a deal? And you _do_ keep winning? Even THOUGH ZIM _IS_ SUPERIOR!”

Gaz huffed, brushing some of her hair out of her face as she shifted to pull her legs up and cross them on the couch. Then she looked back at him, rolling her eyes, “Yeah, whatever. But you do keep on playing. It’s not like I’m making you do that. And it’s like, you didn’t even have to agree to the terms of _actually_ answering everything, you know?”

The Irken perked his antenna in understanding, “Oh.” Zim bit his lip and after a bit, shrugged. “Zim...”

He paused, Zim frowning in thought.

The alien then pulled his knees to his chest, setting the controller aside, Zim pondering why indeed. It wasn’t like he felt somewhat comfortable around the Membranes. It’s not like he thought of Dib and Gaz as some semblance of friends. And it was especially not like he wanted to just talk and have someone actually listen to him.

_Of course not._

Zim sighed, looking at the TV before quietly saying, “If you speak to Dib about any of what Zim is about to say, I will make sure to... to do something.” He tugged gently on an antenna and waved a hand with a grumble. “Ugh, just think of a colorful threat and that’s what I’d do to you.”

He tiredly rubbed his eyes as he merely heard the human scoff a brief, “Yeah, whatever,” before grumbling, “But fine.”

Zim nodded briefly before pulling his knees closer with his arms, resting his chin on them as he side eyed Gaz. She was merely watching him intrigued so after another beat of quiet, Zim sighed deeply.

”Zim... does not like being a defect.” He shuddered as he said it before nodding, “He is already looked down upon, _quite literally_ , for being short. So just adding that with the errors and mistakes my pak has in it, I’ve done things... Zim is not proud of.”

He tapped a claw against his face, Zim flicking an antenna as he could hear Gaz set her controller down and shift slightly as she listened.

Zim closed his eyes, easing into the stream of data flowing through his pak as he settled on memories of all the destructive and crazy plans and desperate attempts he’d made over the years just for something.

_Praise? Acceptation? Worth?_

He still didn’t quite know, so he shrugged, “Zim desperately just wants something. Approval in a sense. To just be... Zim just wanted someone to praise him. To listen. To just allow Zim to feel like it was okay to be... Zim.”

He laughed, Zim peering open an eye to side-eye Gaz, “To just be taken seriously. Like Zim is not some half formed joke. And... this planet gave me that.”

He smiled softly, closing his eyes again, “Someone to listen to his plots. To actual take him as a serious threat. To think of Zim as not just a mistake. Just an error... a defect. I know that’s **never** going to happen _out there_. Not even if Zim understands now what he did and tries to amend.”

His antenna flicked forward and Zim sighed deeply, thankful the girl hadn’t interrupted him, the Irken hearing the girl ease against the couch cushions. He simply shook his head, “Zim likes to talk.”

He heard a snort to his side, but he merely spoke again, “Zim likes to be listened to. So he does not mind if he spills secrets of Irk or the empire. I mean, what are they going to do? _Kill me_? **HA**!” 

Gaz snickered before simply saying, “You’re a hard bug to squash, I’ll give you that.”

Zim grinned, “Yeah. But there. Zim just enjoys others listening, I guess. I like the... attention.”

He glanced back fully at Gaz, the girl staring at him as she slumped back into the pillows, her eyelids drifting down mildly. As she shifted onto her side, Gaz grunted a light, “Huh... That’s kinda sappy.”

Zim tilted his head, and after a while, the girl brought a pillow to her chest, seemingly loosing the battle to keep her eyes open.

Then she muttered into the pillow, so softly and muffled through it, if it hadn’t been for Zim’s newfound hearing, he wouldn’t have heard her remark softly, “ _I guess you came to the right planet then.”_

Zim smiled, looking at the TV, “Yeah. I guess I did.“

He tilted his head back at the girl, observing the gentle fall and rise of her chest. He merely sighed, Zim carefully standing up as he half-hazardously threw a blanket over her, as he had done for the Dib earlier.

Then, feeling somewhat annoyed that the humans were all asleep, as well as conflicted with his own behavior here today, Zim decided to head back to his own house. With a sigh, he stood up to turn off the TV, and after adjusting his disguise and putting his boots and gloves back on, he carefully eased out the door.

Zim glanced up at the building as he stepped outside to the darkness of a surprisingly quiet night, the soft buzz of insects and the sounds of a car passing every now and again being light enough being all that he could really make out. The Irken closed his eyes, sighing, just taking it in for a moment before gazing back at the door.  
He couldn’t quite help frowning for a moment before using some of his pak’s tools to lock the door back up. Zim felt his antenna flick lazily under his wig before slowly walking back down the sidewalk, his eyes adjusting to make out the dark streets and alleyways.

Then he started his way back to the base, feeling oddly accomplished as well as disgusted in himself. Now that it was quiet and he had nothing better to do but reflect, Zim rubbed gloved hands down his face as he realized he had really _cried_ before Dib! _Ugh_. As long as the boy didn’t mention it, Zim decided to ignore that it had ever happened.

 _The boy better not bring it up_.

But, either way, Zim was kinda looking forward to what tomorrow would give, but for now, the day’s events and new developments were taking their toil. And the alien was _tired_.

So Zim didn’t care if someone saw him when he got home, unlocking the door as he tore the wig and contacts off in the dark doorway.

With a huff, he entered.

And GIR was on him the moment he walked in, squealing and screaming, but Zim didn’t care. His headache had faded awhile ago and for now the familiar sound just helped ease him back to a sense of normalcy.  
So after he tossed the robot off, the Irken merely peeled off his gloves and boots again, just standing there for a moment as his robot started to run around him screeching.

Zim walked along towards the couch then, scooping up the mechanical idiot as he growled a command of, “GIR. Shut up.”

And the robot actually obliged, Zim plopping down on the couch as he tiredly held the robot to his chest, blinking slowly as he let his eyelids drift close. Maybe this development wasn’t such a bad one, Zim decided drowsily before just allowing himself to doze with a low rumbling purr rising up in his throat. 

Yeah. Maybe things would be better now. 


	4. As Though Normal

Dib jolted awake to the sound of Gaz knocking on his door before yelling at him to get up for Skool. The boy, not remembering having specifically gone to bed, hurriedly reached up to his face to see if he’d left his glasses on again.  
But no, they weren’t there and he didn’t feel any indents left on his face before looking around to see if they may have gotten caught in his blankets. He _hated_ when he passed out after watching a new documentary... wait.

No, _wait_ , that wasn’t right. Dib actually hadn’t been watching the Lochness Monster Documentary later into the night. No he had stopped for _something_?

Tiredly pushing his hair out of his face and blinking a blurry gaze around the room, Dib slowly stood up, stretching with a wince. Ugh, he hated when his brain was still processing.

Meh. It was probably something not THAT important. _Yeah_.

Dib felt his eyelids begin to drift back down before shaking his head with a jerk, “ _Skool_. You have Skool.”

Wincing as he rubbed his face, the boy walked along down the hallway towards the bathroom after discovering his glasses on his dresser.

As he gazed at himself in the mirror, brushing his dark hair back, Dib paused, remembering Zim had come over last night.

OH. _OHHH_ YEAH! WAIT. **WHAT**!? Blinking sharply, the boy stumbled out of the bathroom, calling down the stairs, “HEY GAZ!”

Dib took his glasses off to sharply rub the sleep from his eyes as he the dashed downstairs, nearly running into their father. Honestly, it was still so weird to actually see the world famous scientist hanging around the house these days, but ever since that incident with the sharks... it was still weird and had Dib freezing in place.

His heart hammered in his chest and Dib felt the instinctual statement of ‘It’s not crazy’ or ‘I’m not crazy!’ rise to his throat before realizing his dad hadn’t even said anything. Dib wasn’t in trouble, he wasn’t being sent to the crazy house, he just wanted to ask Gaz a question. Yeah.

Professor Membrane set a gloved hand down on Dib’s shoulder, jolting the boy out of his racing mind, eyes darting up to stare at his father. “Son! What’s with all the yelling?”

Dib stumbled for the words, it was soooo weird for his father to actually want to know things these days and it would probably always catch him off guard for years to come, but it did make him feel just great.  
Then, shaking himself out of his thought, he finally managed to blurt out, “Oh! I just need to ask Gaz a question about something!” He smiled.

The gloved hand rested on his shoulder for a bit, Dib easing slightly before his father patted him and chuckled, “Well don’t let me keep you then, son.”

Dib practical melted at not hearing ‘insane’ slapped in that sentence before nodding and dashing over to his sister. Gaz merely raised an eyebrow as she continued her game, Foodio setting breakfast down on the table, “Spit it out or don’t talk at all.” 

Briefly glancing at their father, Dib hurriedly whispered to his sister, “Uh, did Zim actually come over last night? Or was that some weird fever dream thing?”

Gaz snorted, fingers tapping away, “Nope. It was real alright, I think he left like in the morning or something before dad got back, but yeah. He sucks at video games.”

The boy straightened up, wide eyed, “Well then. _Fuck_.“

Dib darted back to his chair and sat down, minding absolutely working into over drive. This was an interesting development. 

A very interesting development... Wait Zim had cried infront of him. Huh. Now as he thought on it more, a lot had happened last night.

Would Zim even go to skool today? Dib remembered the Irken talking about how he was having headaches and the such, but had they gotten better? Or was Zim going to just be missing for a week again?

Dib could still hear a voice in the back of his head muttering in paranoid whispers that is was another trap, that Dib was just going to get himself hurt or into some shit by delving into this longer. But he was curious by nature.

And it wasn’t like Zim could do _much_. Dib knew the alien’s mission was a lie, his leaders were probably dead or at least millions of light years away, and Zim had even bluntly told him last night before the boy fell asleep that he wasn’t sure what he should do now.

But would the alien somehow pop back up and go back at again. What if this supposed issue with his pak was only a temporary thing and he was back to old tricks and logics by today?  
  
Dib jolted when his father spoke up, “Dib? You good there, my boy?”

The boy blinked, sheepishly smiling, “S-Sorry. A bit tired.”

The Professor merely hummed before turning back to his own food, Gaz having already finished, tapping away at her game before she asked, “Hey, dad, where’s Clembrane?”

The Professor looked up, confused before perking up, “Aha! I knew I was forgetting something at the labs! _Ha_!” The man froze before standing up abruptly, “Well! That’s _**not**_ good! Have a good day at Skool children! But, I _must_ go to make sure nothing **bad** has happened!”

Dib blinked up as his father patted his head before patting Gaz gently on a shoulder, then he was hurrying along with purpose. And like so many times before, Professor Membrane was gone and it felt like he’d never been there to begin with.

The siblings heard the front door open and slam close. And then it was quiet save for the subtle sounds of every house and the tapping of Gaz’s fingers on her gaming console.  
Though after a stretch of time, Gaz grunted, “Well. Time we should start heading to skool then.”

Dib quickly shoveled his remanding food into his mouth as his sister got up and started for the door, barely breaking her stride as she refocused her attention on the gaming console. Swinging a bag onto her shoulder, Dib nearly tripped as he followed suit.

Then they too were off.

And it would have felt like any other normal day, until Zim joined them. The alien still had that marching stride of his, a confident grin on that green-skinned face of his, and overall, he seemed unchanged.

But Dib knew something was up the moment he realized the ever-so loud, self-proclaimed Invader wasn’t wearing his Invader’s uniform.  
No, instead, he was merely wearing a plain purple shirt with a moose on it and some basic shorts. Dib blinked before commenting, “Uh... morning, Zim?”

The Irken glanced at him, and if Dib found the alien’s gaze unnerving before, the boy felt a shudder now at how much _sharper_ that gaze was now. Then Zim threw his head back slightly. “Dib.”

The boy chuckled uneasily, commenting, “Uh, what you doing?”

There was a sudden visual drop of confidence to a brief flash of confusion and puzzlement. Then the haughty air of someone that had just realized they got the joke no one else knew came across the alien’s features as he sneered, “Well, if it’s not clear to your simplistic, over-sized head, Dib-Smell, I am walking! To the skool. To attend the classes!”   
He raised a gloved fist with passion and intensity as he spoke before glancing back at Dib with a teasing smirk, “What are you doing?”

The boy felt unnerved, it was too casual. Yesterday they’d been fighting like cats and dogs, now this? Sure he joked around and chatted with the alien last night, but that’s because Dib didn’t know what to do with a crying, pained alien.  
This Zim seemed to be a confident, eased Zim. And he didn’t know what to do with a Zim at ease and bursting with confidence.

Dib weakly snorted, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m walking as well. Though... why are you walking with us?”

Zim sharply glanced between himself and the siblings before looking elsewhere with a wave of his hand, “Er... to grace you with my awesomeness!? _Duh_?”

Gaz snickered, squinting up, “Yeah, right. He’s probably hanging out with us now because we’re like the _only_ friends he’s got. Cause he’s a big sappy baby.”

The girl conutined to snicker as Zim sputtered before giving a soft whine of protest, “Zim is no smeet of sap.”  
Yet, Dib couldn’t help but note with intrigue that the alien didn’t outwardly deny or reject the idea of him considering Gaz and Dib friends.   
  
Curiously he asked, “Wait, we’re friends? I thought you hated us?”

Zim scoffed, “If Zim truly hated you, he could have just killed you. Even in a half processing state of denial and interior issues, I am still perfectly capable of killing you. Even if you are admittedly surprisingly agile.” Then as an afterthought as Dib gave him a look, Zim slowly stated, “Though Gaz... Gaz still scares me. I don’t think anyone could kill Gaz.”

Gaz smirked as she tapped away on her game, “Damn right.”

But Dib whined harshly, “WHAT? What’s she got that I don’t!? I’ve been fighting you for YEARS!”

Zim sneered, “Remember when you became a _chair_? Gaz would _never_ become a chair. I’m also quite certain she survives purely on spite and a desire to see the world burn. She could break both of us like a toothpick.”

The boy raised an eyebrow before sighing, “Fine. I guess that’s true.”

Gaz nodded sharply. But she didn’t comment this time, Dib turning back to Zim. But he couldn’t quite come up with much to continue the conversation, and after a brief mutter of frustration at the fact, Dib let the silence settle.

It wasn’t until they had arrived at the Skool building that Zim split off from the Membrane Siblings.

Dib, however, dashed after him, clamping a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, where you going now? I’m not done with you!”

Zim gave him a sharp look with such intensity, Dib quickly removed his hand as he backed up a step. Eyeing him sharply, the alien then shrugged. “Well, we’re at skool. So I’m afraid the **GREAT ZIM** must depart for his classes. Sorry to leave you disappointed, Dib stink. I know I’m just _incredible_.”

Then the alien stalked off before Dib could get another word in, leaving him standing there with his mouth open before he scowled. Fine.

Dib turned to his sister to then complain to her, but the girl was already gone, leaving the boy to sigh before heading into the building himself.

~

Dib was unsure of what to make of this new Zim. He still acted like Zim, overall still looked like Zim, and still talked like Zim. But it was odd.

He had a sharper awareness to him, the alien notably seeming to be always looking around himself as though something only he was aware of would happen. Zim was less enthusiastic in class, not so much butting into other student’s answers anymore but still give detailed, rambling replies when directly asked.  
As well, Dib couldn’t help but note how Zim fidgeted more. The alien was well known for tapping a foot or rolling around a pencil or doing anything absently but now, his whole leg seemed to bounce, the Irken’s attention, while directed, also seemed to be everywhere. He’d be hyper focused on the teacher then suddenly stare up at the ceiling before tugging at his shirt with little or no predictable reactions.

Dib even tried to toss some papers at his head, but curiously, Zim caught every one without even showing significant effort of even that he was completely aware of it. It was just... odd.   
And Dib didn’t know what to make of it. 

So at lunch, it was even stranger when Zim sat down at the lunch table with him and Gaz. And it wasn’t like he’d move over to brag about some new doomsday device or his latest quest to please the Tallest... he just sat there. Poking at his food with a fork with a distance stare.

And even Gaz seemed unable to quite just accept this as she broke the silence, pausing her game to fix the Irken with a curious gaze. “Okay. I’m not sure how to feel about this anymore.”

Zim glanced up, “Heh?”   
  
The siblings shared a look before Dib straightened up to fix Zim with a critical look. Zim gazed back at the boy with a scowl.

But Dib merely huffed, speaking in a low voice, “Zim. I can’t help but express this enough, but what exactly did the thing with your pak do?

The alien squinted at him before tilting his head, “I thought I explained this?”

The boy slumped back down in his seat, rising his hands with a grunt, “Yeah! But is this like a permanent thing? What are you still even doing here? What are you planning?”

Zim looked between himself and the siblings before making a mild sound. Then he awkwardly waved a hand, “I’m pretty sure this is how things are now. _Also_ , Zim IS **NOT** planning anything!”

Gaz unpaused her game before muttering, “That’s not exactly what I was talking about. But I _do_ want to know why you’re being so _weird, S_ pace-Boy.”

The Irken frowned, scooting away his food tray to fold his arms on the table as he laid his head on them, “Zim is not weird.”

Dib snorted harshly. “Well you’re acting weirder than normal then.”

Zim growled, sticking out his tongue, “Well I don’t know what to tell you! If my behavior is altered then it’s most likely _YOUR_ FAULT **DIB**.”

The two scowled at each other before Gaz grunted, “Well I guess that is true.”

Zim smirked but Dib merely scoffed, “Well whether or not it is or isn’t _my fault_! What are you still doing here Zim? And why aren’t you insulting me or trying to, I dunno, do normal Zim things?”

There was such a look of bafflement on the alien’s face, that Dib couldn’t help but frown. “You don’t know do you?”

Zim tilted his head, “I don’t even know what you mean right now.”

Dib sighed loudly, counting off on his fingers, “You're distant yet weirdly aware, you’re twitching and fidgeting more than what’s normal for you, you’re being weirdly lax, _and_ now we’re friends? It’s just weird to think me kicking your backpack thing caused such a sudden change. Especially weird that you’re wearing normal clothes.”

Zim glowered harshly at Dib before gritting out in a low, dangerous voice, “I don’t like this anymore than you do.”

He glanced away at the table to avoid the two’s curious stares. “I’m **tense** and I know every little peep or sound that’s going on _every second_. Zim is aware of everything while feeling _**nothing**_. I can hear your very heart beats right now as well as hear those girls three tables over whispering about that movie they’re going to sneak into at the _same exact time._ ”  
He began to growl as he contuined. “I don’t like this Dib. But this is how things are now. I’m still going to Skool because _logically_ , what the hell am I going to do from here? I’ve already told Gaz how I can’t just go back to the empire and beg forgiveness. They _**Banished**_ me for a _fucking reason_.”

Zim took a long shuddering breath before waving a limp hand as he buried his head in his arms, “I’m aware of everything, I know things that haunt me, I can’t help but look back on things that I’m ashamed of and what I was once foolishly proud of. I’ve been forced to reevaluate my whole existence and it sucks. And I don’t have anyone else to talk to, and no one else cares what happens to me, and I don’t know!”

Zim gave a low whine as he looked back up at Dib and Gaz, “I don’t know what you want to hear. But Zim is _done_ and not sure where to go from there. So I’m hoping to just get by until I can. And if that means hanging around you two, because I **do** think of you as my friends, to try and at least comfort myself with some shallow joke of normal... then that’s what Zim will do.”

Then he weakly said, “ _Okay_?”

Dib merely sighed staring at him long and hard before cautiously patting him on the arm. Zim watched before the boy agreed lightly, “Okay.”

Then teasingly he added on, “Damn, you really are a sappy bug.”

The alien groaned and buried his face back into his arms before giving a slight chuckle.

And even though Dib still felt the paranoid thoughts tugging at him not to trust this or telling him to take advantage of this weakness, the boy merely let the Irken be.   
  
Eventually, an eased conversation slowly arose between the three until the end of lunch.

And even if the two siblings found it still odd and a tad unnerving when Skool ended and Zim walked back with them, neither questioned it, because honestly, it wasn’t half bad to have someone else there with them.


	5. Unsure but Learning

Dib had invited Zim over. And he wasn’t sure why he’d done it, but the alien would be arriving any moment now so there was no taking it back.

Honestly, the boy didn’t even really know how to feel about Zim. It had been at least a week now since the pak incident and Zim seemed to be telling the truth about the development being permanent. Because, while the alien had started to act a bit more like his old self, relaxing somewhat, there were still no new plots, no new plans for humanity’s downfall, and he’d continued to act friendly in that odd prideful way of his.

And the boy wasn’t going to lie, but he was still a tad nervous because after years of being ready to fight, to suddenly drop it. It made his paranoia flare up like a defensive cat. It was just weird, things having slowed as a result of not having to actively fight Zim or go on some insane new tangent to figure out his next plot or newest doomsday device’s whereabouts.

But seeing that the Irken was also more willing to just talk and chill out, Dib decided he might as well invite him over.

Because he kind of liked having a friend. And even while Gaz wouldn’t admit it, she seemed to share the sentiment, for she was waiting for Zim all the same, sitting on the couch with a multi player game set up and ready to go.   
Dib briefly glanced over the game his sister had chosen, seeing if maybe it was a game he could possibly win at before noting that it was a combat based game. Well maybe he could at least beat Zim.  
  
A sharp sound cut through the quiet, the chiming of the doorbell causing Dib to jump up and run over to the door. And since their father was currently working on adjusting his prosthetic arms downstairs, Clembrane decided to check in on what was happening. The clone popping his head out from the kitchen with a loud exclamation of, “Who that be, kids?”

Gaz glanced at the clone before waving him off with a simple, “It’s just Zim.”

The clone squinted at her and the girl was curious to see a slight caution enter the clone’s gaze before he blinked. The caution now gone, eased into blissful ignorance, Clembrane cheerfully exclaimed, “Oh okay then! Have fun!”

And he was off again to work on his next batch of pudding. The clone making _so_ _much pudding._

Gaz shook her head then, hearing Zim loudly announce his presence, “ _ALL HAIL!_ FOR **ZIM** IS H-!”

The yelling was cut off by an loud ‘oof’ and a moment later Dib walked back into the living room rolling his eyes. He plopped down on the couch and glanced at the ceiling with a groan as he loudly said, “Do you have to do that every time?”

The Irken, clad in his disguise and a big blue jacket, crept in moments after, pouting and rubbing his side, “Killer of joy.” He stuck his tongue out at the boy before he then turned towards Gaz, attention peaked by the video game controllers, “What game?”

Gaz shuffled over slightly so Zim could sit down as well, grunting an answer out, “Death King II.”

Zim flopped onto the couch, kicking his boots off as he got comfortable. He then turned to smirk at Dib, peering around Gaz, “I’m going to win.”

The boy scoffed, eyes narrowing as he returned the gaze, “I’d like to see you try.”

Zim huffed and sneered with an eased, sharp glance, “Zim will indeed try! And su-“

Gaz cut the two off with a harsh snarl, “Shut up. No one cares, _I’ll_ be the one winning, morons.”

And even though the two puffed up with protests building on their tongues, neither actually actively opposed her, Zim relenting with a sigh while Dib just turned his glare to the TV.

Then the game begun, the trio actively working to destroy the others as their characters jumped and ran about wildly, swinging about weapons or moving in jerky video game combo attacks. And everything was just nice.   
It was unlike any real fight any of them had experienced, especially to Zim and Dib, for Gaz had the ease and calm they’d never truly known. But either way, it was nice. Zim knowing that there wasn’t going to be any price to pay truly for defeat while Dib, who had always been fighting (be it ghosts or demons or merely teasing kids or annoyed adults), could at least take comfort in a similar thought.

But still, Zim whined and growled when he lost while Dib scowled and pouted. And, unsurprisingly, Gaz conquered all, like a warlord on the prowl, either allowing Zim and Dib to destroy the other before taking out the weakened victor, or driving them to isolated areas before hunting them.

Finally, Gaz managed to track down Zim in the last round, the alien shrieking as his character tried and failed to run, Dib watching with a sharp smile as the girl made the killing blow.  
It was over, Gaz, the victor and as the game loudly proclaimed, “THE _GREAT_ DEATH **KING**! _DESTROYER OF ALL THAT OPPOSE_!” Though all of them had already known this, even as Zim whined loudly and fell dramatically against Gaz as he grumbled.

She merely laughed, loud and brash as she turned with a wide grin as the credits rolled, the boy and alien alike cowering away under Gaz’s hungry gaze, “ _Want to try again, you little bitches_?”

Dib whined and was going to sharply rebuke that before the chuckling voice of their father cut in, “Language, Gazlene!” The tall figure of Professor Membrane entered the room, glancing curiously at the TV before easing himself to stand casually by the couch.

Three heads swerved about, Gaz with a groan, Dib with an excited grin, and Zim with a sharp flinch and wide eyes. The Professor gazed back at them and finally noted the odd third figure on the couch, even as Zim pulled the hood over his face, brightly saying, “Oh! I see you invited your green foreign friend over!”

There was a pause, Dib’s face suddenly scowling and harsh, “He is n-“ the boy paused and glanced back at Zim. The harshness and scowl dropped slowly as he instead offered a mild smile back towards his father. Then with an exaggerated roll of amber eyes, Dib replied simply, “Yeah. I did.”

The Professor smiled in return while Zim stared widely at the siblings, Gaz nudging him with a snicker, just for the alien to grin back and shake his head with false annoyance.  
Then their father once more turned towards Zim, “Well, I came in because dinner is almost ready, though, if your parents don’t mind, maybe you can stay over for it?”

Zim hummed intrigued, eyeing the man sharply, “Well... _my parents_... are actually out of town at the moment... though Zim would not mind. Sure?”

The man nodded, and as soon as he’d come into the room, he was gone again, calling over his shoulder, “Well! Dinner will be ready in a moment more then!”

Dib grinned and called back, “‘Kay, dad!” The boy glanced back at the others and Zim couldn’t help but suddenly whisper-yell, leaning harshly against Gaz as he stared wide eyed over at Dib, “ _WAIT ARE WE **REALLY** FRIENDS NOW_?!”

With a sharp grunt, Gaz shoved him off, the alien quickly scrambling back to his feet to point at Dib, “ANSWER _ZIMMMM_!”

Mildly pushing the finger away as it slowly inched closer to tap his glasses, Dib groaned, “Yes. We’re friends! _Jeez_.”

But he couldn’t keep up the frown and annoyed glare as Zim practically lit up, the alien silently sitting back by Gaz with a grin. A quiet, eased moment passed when Gaz suddenly snickered and punched Dib before punching Zim as well. Both blinking at her and she smirked, bluntly saying, “Idiots.”

The Irken shoved her good-naturedly and snickered himself while Dib chuckled at the two before standing up, “Well, guess you’re staying for dinner then, Zim.”

The alien shrugged in response, “It would seem so.”  
Gaz swung a sharp arm around Zim’s shoulder then as she showed a brief flash of excitement, “Maybe we can play another game after then, and I can continue _to kick your sorry asses_.”

Zim grimaced, but what he said to Gaz was lost to Dib as he wandered to the kitchen, finding his father trying to tiredly convince Clembrane that today’s dinner didn’t need pudding in it. The clone stared at the man with wide, teary eyes when he took note of Dib and waved a large, bulbous hand at him, “HEY, SON!”

The Professor turned as well and grinned at the boy, “Oh, dinner will be ready in a moment.” His smile faded as he grimaced at Clembrane, “Once I get pudding out of the equation.”

Dib smiled, “That’s cool.” Then a tad awkwardly, the boy added, “Uh, I just wanted to say thanks for inviting Zim to stay over for dinner.”

The scientist chuckled, “Well, of course. You don’t have many friends over!”  
After a bit the man paused, seeming to think over that comment before he opened his mouth to ask when the last time Dib had had a friend over beside Zim, but the boy, having said his peace, was already heading back to the living room.

Membrane hummed softly and glanced sharply back to Clembrane, “No pudding in the meal. But you can make pudding on the side. In a separate bowl. Got it?”

The clone beamed, clapping the man on the back, resulting in an oof and grimace from the other.

And little more than a minute later, Membrane had gathered everyone to the table for dinner.  
His children grinning at the fine meal while Zim looked on with intrigue and a slight concern as he sniffed at it. Though, after a bit of time, Zim inevitably tried some and found it neither reacted aggressively with his biology or caused any incident, and was even surprisingly tasteful.   
  
As soon as dinner was done, the trio of the Membrane siblings and Zim had then climbed upstairs, chatting away and laughing. Clembrane and Professor Membrane watching with fatherly pride and ease before Membrane headed to the living room to watch some TV. And after a time when Clembrane tired of making pudding, the clone joined him, the two picking up mild conversation as they could hear laughter and yelling from above.

And things were nice. And even when Clembrane decided to see what the kids were doing, just to find them asleep as a movie played on Dib’s laptop, neither he nor Membrane moved to disturb them.   
  
It had been awhile since Dib or Gaz had had a friend over after all.


	6. Friendship

Zim liked having friends. 

He didn’t have many, but he had some. And that was more than he would have ever expected. Because Zim didn’t know he liked having friends until he had been forced to reevaluate and acknowledge that save for a few that tolerated him, most everyone hated him truly. And that had oddly _hurt_. 

But now he could have friends to help with that. It’s not like the empire cared. Not like the Tallest could mock him for being soft.  
Because Zim knew now that they had never truly cared about what happened to him. He was even starting to suspect that Red had straight up pitied him until his trial revealed what crimes Zim had done. And Purple had always treated him like a pest they couldn’t get rid of. And that was simple fact now, not some deep doubt that nagged at him some days when his defective little mind wandered.

But they were _dead_ now. And it was **his** fault. And Zim would just have to live with it. Like he had to live with every mistake and stupid deed he’d done starting from his very smeethood.

At least in his smeethood, he had had Skoodge there with him. Helping Zim and even keeping him from committing to some of his even more deadly and dangerous plans. Zim assumed that was what a friend was supposed to be like. Someone to stand by your side, to have fun and plot with, someone that could be trusted or relied on. But Irkens weren’t supposed to have fun, they weren’t supposed to rely on anyone but themselves, and they weren’t supposed to have friendships or such relationships in general.

But here Zim was, a defect that wasn’t supposed to exist. Talking with another ex-Invader, and his first friend, an Irken that by all means shouldn’t even be alive.

But Skoodge was indeed there, sitting next to him on his base’s couch, and Zim was enjoying himself, excitedly chatting on about whatever popped into mind while the other merely chewed on a sugar stick and nodded along.  
  
At first, when Zim had started to want to get back in contact with the Invader, he had worried Skoodge would hate him. Because if before he thought of the Tallests’ behavior as loving him and the empire’s hate as praising him, then what if his whole belief that Skoodge had been his friend was also something made up by a pak that couldn’t get its facts straight?

But, Skoodge had accepted his call. The Irken listened to him as he explained about what happened to his pak and how it had changed his view on things. And Skoodge had even accepted his apology with nothing more than a few kind words and a smile.  
Zim felt something hopeful even when he nervously asked the other if he’d want to hang out sometime. Now Skoodge was _here_. And Zim felt amazing.

Like maybe some part of his old life still lived. That maybe he wasn’t going to just sit and wait on this planet till he died.

Because he liked Dib and Gaz just fine. The human siblings helping him out in his trials of accepting what had happened as well as adjusting to a now mission less life. And it was great, sure, but Zim was still an Irken.  
He couldn’t help but crave attention from his own kind, couldn’t help the destructive and maniac tendencies that bubbled under his surface, and he couldn’t just survive without even the barest support from the empire.

 _Especially_ since Zim needed this support more than ever right now, his pak needing daily maintenance right now as a result of the incident, the machine having worn itself nearly ragged in its attempts to keep him sane as emotions tore through him, reprocess centuries of his life, and keep his body in prime health. 

And sure, Dib would be more than glad to assist if Zim brought up the possibility for the boy to help him with alien tech, but Zim had decided it’d be best to kept that part to himself. However, he could still feel the aftermath of the pak incident even weeks later. But now he was back in contact with Skoodge, and since Skoodge wasn’t Banished from the empire like Zim, the other Irken could get him the supplies he needed to keep his pak from shutting down.  
  
Because that was a terrifying thought. And for once, Zim wasn’t willing to just lay down and give his life for Irk at a moment’s notice. He wanted to see what life had to offer him now. Sure, Zim wasn’t an Invader, _hadn’t been so for a long time_ , but he still had that spark. And he wanted to live and see why it was worth anything.

Zim glanced back at Skoodge and eventually as the conversation died down from pleasantries, he got serious. Fiddling with his shirt, a habit he could never quite help, Zim spoke up, “Skoodge... I _lied_..., er, kind of? I didn’t just ask you here because you’re my friend... Zim also, ugh... Zim needs some _help_.”

The other perked his antenna curiously, “Huh, never thought I’d hear you **ever** say that. But, uh, what kind of help?”

Zim glanced sharply at his boots as he kicked them softly, “I need resources and some specific parts for my pak. Zim, er, Zim’s pak has been working extremely hard to keep me alive lately, but they aren’t made for supporting and dealing with the levels of trauma and er... _emotions_... Zim has experienced these last Earth weeks.” He gave a soft laugh. “I’ve been working on it every day now, but Zim fears that my pak may... stop... keeping Zim... _alive_. It was fine earlier... but as the days have gone with this planet’s rotations... it’s gotten, well _**bad**_.”

Skoodge shifted so he was fully facing Zim, though the other wouldn’t quite meet his gaze, eye ridges furrowed in confusion, “What? But... how?”

Zim finally looked up, feeling small as he said softly, “Well... I am defective afterall.” Skoodge nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. “And for my pak to start processing in a completely different manner than it’s used to... well it’s just not made to function like that. Zim’s pak,” Zim gave a harsh laugh, “Zim’s pak is _special_.”

”And since it’s so _special_ , it seems that even if it were to start functioning like that of a normal pak, it’s just not how the pak is designed. And that would kill Zim. My pak was faulty _the moment_ it was connected to my spine. And there’s never going to be a way to truly make me...” Zim froze.  
Tears were springing into his eyes, but he shook himself and wiped them away harshly, “Zim will _never_ be a _true_ Irken. Not in the eyes of Irk anyway. I’m overly emotional, I need reassurance and comfort, Zim is **not** the emotionless killer Irk needs. I was a **mistake** that proved to have the destructive tendencies that are desired, but **failed** at _everything_ else.”

Zim sniffled, antenna pinned against his head as he dragged his legs up onto the couch. Then pulling his legs to his chest, so he could lay his chin on his knees, Zim rambled on, “But Zim _doesn’t_ want to d-die. So maybe... _maybe_ , if Zim works on the pak... make adjustments! _I can be better_... the pak **will**... will... maybe the pak will adapt and better be able to handle changes.” Zim gazed back at Skoodge, trembling now as he couldn’t help but grow more and more fearful, “ _I **don’t** want to die, Skoodge. I...” _

Zim broke off, burying his head in his arms now, until he felt a gentle touch on an arm. The Irken flinched slightly before shakily looking back up at Skoodge, antenna twitching. _  
_ And Skoodge merely stared at him, eyes darting over Zim’s face, unsure and admittedly shaken by the display and plead. He sighed after a while, antenna easing down, and offered a weak smile, “I’ll do what I can.”

Zim stared at Skoodge before the tears came back with a new rush of emotions, “ _Oh_.”

The Irken then leaned into Skoodge and buried himself into the other’s side, squeezing his eyes shut as he gave a soft, “T-Thanks.”

And Skoodge merely patted him on the back, it was gentle and comforting in a way Zim couldn’t quite grasp.   
  
But it was _nice_. And Zim merely let himself stay curled up there, only moving away when GIR and Minimoose suddenly appeared in the living room. But for once the SIR unit wasn’t screaming or carrying on, he merely crawled onto the couch and plopped down beside Zim, alerting the Irken of their presence, while Minimoose drifted over as well.

And Zim merely sat there, Skoodge to one side and his robotic minions on the other as the tears slowly trickled down his face.

Zim liked having friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this has been interesting to write. I’m a tad surprised at the apparent intrigue people have with this concept, but I appreciate the kudos and comments a lot. So thanks! I hope you have been enjoying this as it develops and I figure out the direction I want to take this.
> 
> Also, in regards to my other fic, if you’re interested in it or have been reading it, next update for Experimental might end up being next week instead.


	7. Everything is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue- Arc 1  
> 

Zim wasn’t a great liar. Never had been, he was too boastful and prideful to even consider he should need to lie, because everything he did was great and perfect and awesome. 

_That was a lie though. A perfect lie buried deep in his head._

The only way the Irken figured to lie about things was merely to not mention them. To keep his mouth closed and wait for the moment were things aligned.  
  
Like with the Florpus, he hadn’t lied about feeling like shit when he realized the Tallest weren’t coming, but Zim had also not mentioned what he actually did to the Membraclet. He had said he gave it some upgrades, but never what the upgrades really were for.

And that was Dib’s stupid fault for having such a big head that he readily just accepted the alien’s help without even a dash of his usual caution or paranoia. But it’s not like that had worked out for anyone.

_Zim had only failed. Again. Like always._

Zim sighed, laying his head against the back of the couch as he whined loudly, “Skooooodge! When will you be back again?”

The other Irken, who was in the kitchen grabbing some food for his trip, paused and replied shortly, “A few days to a week!” With a huff of slight annoyance, he added, “Like I told you a few Earth minutes ago.”

Zim merely groaned, “Okaaaaay.”

He shifted were he sat and slowly Zim got up to his feet, pushing Mini-moose out of his way. With a mild grimace at a sudden rush of dizziness, the Irken stood up and wandered towards the kitchen. He watched Skoodge for a moment until his legs began to shake, Zim leaning against the doorframe for a moment before sighing and walking back to the couch.

He felt antsy. Like he should be doing something. But it was the weekend, so there wasn’t any Skool and the Membranes had gone to the beach, which in both his condition and just due to Zim’s great disdain for water and sand, he’d bluntly refused to join.

So Zim was here instead. And then Skoodge would leave, and it would just be him and his minions.

_Left behind. But that was fine. It just had to be that way, right?_

His antenna perked suddenly and he gazed over towards Skoodge, and the other gave him a light wave. “I’m headed off now. Uh... don’t die, okay?”

Zim merely whined, “Zim is too **GREAT** TO DIE!” He put on a confident, smug face, something that had grown to be easier to fake lately. “I’ll be _fine_ ~”

Skoodge merely shook his head with a sigh, “Just don’t be too much of an idiot until we can properly fix your pak.”

There was something about that statement that bothered them both, though neither spoke a word. Because it was said with honest intent, but they both knew that to actually and truly ‘fix’ his pak was more a hopeful wish then anything. Zim felt something churn in squeedlyspooch, but he didn’t let his growing nervousness show.

The other merely placed a gloved hand on his chest with a mocking scoff. Then, suddenly feeling queasy, Zim said earnestly, “Zim will try to stay safe.” 

Skoodge sighed, and as he turned to go head up to the ship hanger, he walked back to the couch. The Irken opened his mouth a few times, as though to say something, but merely closed his mouth and briefly patted the top of Zim’s head. The Irken stared at the Defect a moment more, then he left with a light smile and wave.

And Zim just sat there. Mini-moose drifting there beside him, though GIR was absent, probably at some club or something dancing away or eating all the junk food he could.  
So after hearing the hangar open and then close above them as Skoodge left, Zim laid down slowly on the couch as his head began to pound. He rubbed at his forehead for a moment before, with a drowsy glance upwards, Zim asked the Computer to play a movie.  
  
Because everything was fine. And he would be fine. So why not indulge in some pointless human entertainment?   
_  
Why not distract himself?_

Zim felt a blanket being dropped on him as Mini-Moose moved to sit with him. So with a soft hum, the Irken merely patted the moose as he stared at the TV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so this is the end of Arc 1: The Mistake, thank you for reading this mess of an au so far. I’ll be working on Arc 2 now, but I’ll probably post a one shot or short multi chapter before that.  
> Anyways, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, thanks again!


End file.
